I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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