No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
