he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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