i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
