I wish I could teleport
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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