this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
