I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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