Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
