ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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