I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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