Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
