i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
