Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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