Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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