Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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