I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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