Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
