What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize