I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
