you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
