and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
