I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
