She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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