the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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