I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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