It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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