The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I could make wine with my vomit
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
