She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
