4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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