Quick, to the slutcave!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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