I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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