I hate your face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
