Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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