I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
