She is in my trunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
