mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
