hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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