So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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