So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
