I just saw a hot homeless man
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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