I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
