If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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