walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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