thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
