i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
