You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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