One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize