sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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