We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
