So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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