I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
