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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
