Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
