My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
