3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we're so committed to being not committed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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