I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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