Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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