new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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