did you get engaged???
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
