Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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