We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
