I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
