oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.