So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins