sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?