I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.