my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
