I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
