they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
