could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
