From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
