put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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