Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
